Costa Rica for Casanovas Read online

  She did. We didn’t even get glasses out. Just straight from the bottle – until the wine was gone. The conversation was good as we drank. She was a feminist and I decidedly told her what a load of shit that was. She tried to question me, but I continued explaining to her how she was wrong on every single point.

  My attitude was still at a no fucks given type of level and this was arousing her. The bottle of wine was done and the topic of sex came up again. I made a move. She jumped me. This bitch was horny as hell.

  30 seconds of making out and she was on her knees blowing me while her friend lay five feet away in a slumber. I rapidly began to fuck her face. I was a bit pissed that the whore had already ditched me earlier in the night to get dicked down and decided to take it out on her in the bedroom. After a violent face fucking, I pulled her up by the hair and began to kiss her while I started to finger her. Her pussy was sopping wet. I threw her on my kitchen table and ripped her thong off. Her friend was still passed out on the bed a few feet away.

  We began to fuck and her moans began to turn into screams. I pulled out and grabbed her hair to pull her up. I slapped her ass and told her to head up to my loft as there was another small bed up there. She sprinted up the stairs. I made my way up and she was bent over, face down and ass up on the little bed. Good girl.

  We fucked twice in my little loft area. I slapped her ass and choked her violently numerous times. She liked this and was a squirter. The sheets got ruined from her juices on round one, so round two was on the hard wood floor. She squirted again and I began to slip as we fucked. My knees couldn’t find a grip as I was on top of her due to her squirting vagina. The bitch was loud.

  We finished and went downstairs to get dressed. Once clothed, she walked over to her friend and tried to wake her up. She was half awake already. “Were you up?” she asked the half-awake friend. She was. “Did you hear all that?” she asked with a look of embarrassment. Another affirmative.

  Oh, well. She gave her friend another glass of water and they left to grab a taxi shortly thereafter.

  I saw and fucked the slutty squirter another couple times. She was great in bed and a really sexy girl, but she was an idiot. Completely driven by her hindbrain, she once wanted to go to the club on a night when I was low on dough. I didn’t want to go, but she offered to pay for everything. Fair enough.

  We got to the club and she bought drinks. After a few rounds, we realized she was out of dough sans the money for a taxi back to my place and I wasn’t paying for shit. So we played a game. She would flirt with guys. I would flirt with girls. We would try to get free drinks. Again, whatever for me, but I went off to spit a bit of game.

  A couple approaches didn’t hit for me and I spot her talking to some dorky Danish guys. Good for her. I make another round and spot a dime dancing in a group, but she was continually looking around. The sign of a woman wanting to meet a man on a girl’s night.

  I approached and began dancing with everyone in the group. The two fatties in the group immediately loved me. I briefly entertained them before making my move on the one that caught my eye. She loved it.

  We danced closely, eventually bumping and grinding. I whispered in her ear. She spoke a bit of English. We danced while talking in between songs for 15 or so minutes before I spot the American girl I came with, the one I’m banging.

  She gave me a look of pure desire and grabbed my hands while shoving her tongue in my mouth. Fuck it happened so quickly, but the damage was done. My pretty Tica didn’t want anything to do with me any more.

  I was depressed, but she was ready to go back to my spot and fuck instantly. I guess fucking a beautiful girl with a great ass who squirts is a decent consolation prize. I fucked her violently again, just for fucking up my night again. She squirted all over my bed again.

  A Disappointing “2-For-1” Special

  Location: San Pedro, Costa Rica

  Sometimes you hit the club and everything is right. You look fresh. Your vibe is good. Girls are looking your way. Some nights you’re “on” make sense, while others surprise you. This night was surprising. The chick was busted. It was around seven in the evening and she came straight to the crib off Tinder. Fluent in English, she knew the drill. I had already known some things about her and she looked like she was fun to make out with on WhatsApp. Ten minutes of chatting and I brought up her self-professed great skill in making out.

  We started to make out. Her face looked like ass and her breathe smelled of stale cigarettes. I knew I had to nix the whole kissing thing quickly. So I started undressing the dame. No resistance. She was naked within 30 seconds and my cock was in her mouth shortly thereafter. I stared down at the monstrosity mouthing my cock and analyzed her body. God, she certainly wasn’t a beauty. While not fat, she wasn’t exactly thin either. She was carrying the extra 10 pounds many Ticas do as a result of their Americanized diet.

  However, her mouth skills were solid and after 3-4 minutes I had to make a split decision – grab the notch or nut in her mouth. I’d already decided both options would be followed by swiftly kicking her out. So I opted for “plan B”, but wore a condom. There would be no babies made with this beast.

  Now, I could lie and say I fucked her brains out and then sent her on her way, but that would be a lie. I hit in missionary for a solid minute before I came to my senses and realized I was fucking a “five” whose only redeeming quality could be her butt. So I turned the ole’ girl around and proceeded to “rabbit fuck” the shit out of her. Her ass wasn’t that awful and I came in a few minutes.

  Immediately, I felt disgust stewing in my veins. My breathing was heavy as “rabbit fucking” is exhausting. I glanced over at her and she was glowing. Somehow she came during the “rabbit fucking” process. I closed my eyes and tried not to hate myself, but then she tried to cuddle me. As I laid there in disgust, my mind running 100 miles an hour – I knew I had to get rid of her quickly, but then she tried to grab my dick for round two. It wasn’t going to work again for her, “Uhhh, he’s tired,” I muttered while trying not to look at her. She giggled and said, “Ok, I’ll let him rest for a bit.”

  Fuck. There’s no way I’m banging this thing again, “Ummm, he might not be back in action this evening. I’ve been sick the last few days and when I get sick, he exhausts easily,” I hastily muttered. “Ohh, ok,” She responded with a hint of disappointment in her voice. Crisis adverted. Fifteen minutes later and I was able to get rid of her. The whole ordeal took around 45 minutes – meeting, banging, and kicking out. Quite efficient, but I was still disappointed in myself. Luckily, it wasn’t even eight in the evening. It was a Tuesday, the best night to go out in San Pedro, Costa Rica.

  I cooked some dinner, ate my food and then took a nap. While the nightmare of banging the “five” was swirling through my head, I still managed to grab 45 minutes of solid sleep. I woke up feeling refreshed and got dressed for the night. Following my normal pre-game ritual, I listened to some good music and downed a few glasses of wine. After texting a few buddies I had made in San Pedro, I was off for the night.

  Walking to the club, I stopped at the convenience store to grab a road beer. My boys were already at the club and I had put the memory of the “five” behind me. As I finished my beer and hopped in line at the club, the manager whistled me over. Slightly confused, I made my way over to him, “Head in man!” he yelled as we shook hands. I must have looked confused, so he followed up, “Yeah, you’re always here having a good time. You don’t need to wait in line tonight.” I smiled and patted him on the back as I walked in, “Sweet! Thanks man.”

  Now in a better mood, I strolled into the club and it was packed. Not too packed, but the kind of packed where it’s perfect. You can move around with only the occasional shoulder check, but there are still a good number of ladies. I surmised the fact that Tuesdays were ladies night didn’t hurt the number of gals either. As I made my way to the bar, I spotted a cutie standing next to my normal spot at the bar. I strolled up and ordered my drink while ignoring her. She glanced my way as I chatted to the bartender. I glanced over and notice she has “Chile Water” shots in front of her. Game time. “Ewww! You drink chili water? It’s so gross.” I said as I give her a disgusted look. She laughed and replied, “Yes! It’s my favorite.” I rolled my eyes, “We clearly aren’t going to get along.” She laughed again, looks me up and down and then gives me a look of pure desire, “I think we can.”

  I took it as a good sign and we continued to flirt and chat for 5 minutes before she said that she needs to find her friends. I told her that I needed to do the same and grab her number, but I never saw her again. I made my way around the club and I was feeling good. I was warmed up and got a ton of eye contact. I spotted one of my boys and went over to see how he was doing. He wasn’t getting love, but wanted to make approaches. I was down with that. We began to spam the dance floor for two girls who looked lonely. We chatted up a few chicks, but nothing stuck. I had attraction down, but he couldn’t generate anything. I was waiting to lock in until he did, but that never happened. Still, I felt like every girl was looking at me.

  As I walked to the bar, I saw another friend and said hello. He was with a few chicks including one I had made out with a few weeks back. She was American and looked absolutely plastered. I made sure to avoid her all night other than our brief pleasantries. My boy and I were waiting at the bar for our drinks and I felt something start rubbing against my ass. It didn’t stop and I turned around to see a pair of girls dancing on me. They were both cute. Well, that works. I threw one on my boy and we both started grinding with these chicks as we leaned against the bar. A few minutes later and we still don’t have our drinks, but the bitch decides to open her mouth, “Buy us drinks!” She demanded. “No!” I said as I threw her off me and
turned my back to her.

  I tapped my bud on the shoulder and told them they were looking for guys to buy them drinks. He frowned and gave his bitch the same treatment. We got our drinks and turned back to the crowd, but the girls came right back to us. I was upset and yelled, “We are not buying you drinks.” She smiled and said, “Ok,” as she began to grind her ass on my dick by the bar. Her English was shit, but her ass was nice. I accepted her ass on my dick as an apology and we headed to the dance floor. We danced for a few songs and then began making out. It was standard stuff. She had a good body, a great ass and her face was cute. We continued dancing and drinking into the night.

  After I finished my drink, I told her I needed to grab another and we went to the bar. I ordered us both drinks without her asking as her friends walked by. She introduced me – one gay guy, her friend who was dancing with my friend earlier, and a fat girl. We headed back to dance floor and continued to make out while we danced. I decided to grab one more drink before calling it quits for the night. She wanted to see what her friends were doing, so we split up for a bit. I hit the bar and grabbed a drink. Looking out at the club as I sipped, I saw her coming my way with her friends in tow. The four of them ordered drinks. I talked with the gay guy to practice my Spanish, as the girls conversed among themselves. Then I get a tap on the shoulder. It was the bartender and he had a bill.

  I look perplexed, “What’s up?” I bark at him. He pointed to the girls, “She said you’d buy their drinks.” I laughed, “No man, I never said that. I’m not paying for that.” He frowned and hollered at the girl I was making out with all night; “No!” as he shrugged his shoulders and pointed at me. She looked at me with an angry, yet confused look in her eye. I gave her a look of disgust and then let the gay guy know of the situation in angry, but still shitty Spanish. I walked off, but she tried to grab my arm. I looked back at her with no emotion and shook my head as I broke my arm free.

  I was pissed and almost left the club, but my boy stopped me. He still wanted to talk with more girls. I contemplated if I should stay. I had been “on” earlier and decided to stay for one more drink. We made our way throughout the club and I spotted a girl who gave me the eyes earlier. Her titties were ginormous and my drunken self knew exactly what needed to happen. I immediately gravitated to her knockers. I strolled up and spit something drunken, yet not horrific. She bites. Sometimes you just get lucky and spot an English-speaking girl with giant breasts standing alone at 2:15 in the morning. We chat as I quickly began to escalate physically. She’s responding to my touches, but doesn’t want to dance. My mind can’t stop thinking about her boobs. My eyes can’t stop looking at them. She noticed and comments on my “not-so-inadvertent” glances.

  I shrug my shoulders, “If you didn’t want me to look at them, you wouldn’t have worn that out tonight,” I replied. She laughed and blushed, as a huge smile spread across her face. I suggested we head to the couches in one corner of the club where it’s a bit quieter and she agreed. On the couch, our conversation flowed and the touching continued. I go for the kiss, but she denies me. I give her a confused look. She looked down and said, “You were kissing my friend earlier. Do you like her?” I laughed and then went off on her friend. I explained that I despised her friend. I told her that her friend kept kissing me, not the other way around. She liked hearing this. I told her that I liked her much more than her friend. She liked hearing this even more. I tried to kiss her again and she accepted. We begin to make out passionately. I started groping her huge tits in the club. She moaned as I did and my boner pulsated.

  I knew what to do, “I live like a five minute walk from here. Want to go have one glass of wine at my place before calling you a taxi?” I proposed while trying to hide my excitement. She mulled over my idea for what seemed like an eternity before accepting.

  We strolled back to my place and she immediately stretched out on the bed. We were both wasted and our clothes came flying off. I kept her blouse buttoned up as I pulled it over her head. I left her in her bra and thong. Her titties were spectacular. They were monstrous, but fairly firm. With huge natural titties, I knew she wasn’t going to be model thin. Surprisingly, she wasn’t fat. She could lose a couple pounds, but she definitely made it work in a really sexy way.

  We fucked once and it was wild. Even in my drunken state I knew I wanted to fully enjoy her breasts. Her ass was meaty too. As we fucked, her pussy juiced all over my bed numerous times. Post-coital, we were both too drunk and sleepy to clean up. We passed out on top of the fluid-stained sheets. Once the morning came, she left hastily as she was late for work. I walked her out and went back to sleep with a smile on my face knowing I’d redeemed myself from the “five” I had earlier.

  San Pedro/San Jose, Costa Rica City Guide

  Positives of San Jose

  Good Nightlife: I really enjoyed going out in San Pedro/San Jose. The nightlife is good in my opinion. I usually only go out once or twice a week, but in Costa Rica I started to go out 3-4 nights a week and I loved it. I also pulled more one-night stands in Costa Rica as a result. You’ll be better off focusing on a night game a little more here.

  Cute Chicks: The Ticas are typically a good-looking bunch. I was especially impressed with their faces. Bodies can be hit or miss. I had one chick I thought was gorgeous only to get naked and be disappointed she was carrying an extra 10 pounds. The ass and face were incredible, but the diet of these Ticas has been Americanized and it’s not helping their looks.

  Safe: San Pedro seemed to be a pretty safe spot to me. I stumbled around drunk numerous times late at night, sometimes alone and sometimes with a girl. I never had any issues. However, I heard of a number of people getting jumped near the mall at dusk and at night. Tico men are smaller and I think my upper body size was a bit of a deterrent for them. A small European guy I knew got jacked at an ATM for $500.

  Whether you consider San Pedro safe or not, I wouldn’t expect downtown San Jose to ever be safe at night. Only walk around in the small nightlife area.

  Cheap Rent: Rent can be found extremely cheaply in San Pedro and San Jose. $400 - 500 is what you can expect to pay for a studio or one-bedroom in a safe area that’s near nightlife.

  Negatives of San Jose

  Ugly Place: San Jose and San Pedro are both ugly places in my opinion. You can see some mountains on the skyline, but the architecture is not impressive. You’ll get a bit down during rainy season when it’s dreary almost all the time. The rain combined with the shithole of a city is not a good combo.

  Americanized: Costa Rica, on a whole, is way too Americanized. I hated this fact. The place was probably paradise 20 or so years ago, but today Costa Rica is played out. You’ll find American fast food chains everywhere. The people are almost tired of gringos. This threw the vibe off quite a bit in my experiences. You may be better off in Costa Rica with a look that could be misconstrued for a local.

  Where To Stay

  I would not recommend staying in downtown San Jose. The place is not that impressive and a bit gritty. If you choose to stay downtown, I recommend staying somewhere near Club Vertigo and Rapsodia Lounge. You’ll be in walking distance to the best nightlife in downtown San Jose. Plus, you’ll be a $5 - 7 taxi from San Pedro. There are a number of restaurants near this area as well. You can grab hotels for $35 - 45 a night in the center on Booking.com.